Thursday, July 1, 2010

Yeah. Demon killing and such.

Virtual hugs and kisses all around for Sabrina, Marina, Emiley, Alycia, Bec, Rebecca, James, Lauryn, Ashley, Hannah, and Misty! Love you guys.

So, seeing as it's 2:30 AM, this is probably going to be another semi-short post. Or not. We'll see. We're just going to let the words flow.

Today was... not productive or eventful. I am almost ashamed of myself. As I sit here on on my aunt's couch wrapped up in covers, planning on going to sleep immediately after writing this post, I am wearing the same pajamas I fell asleep in last night...

We finished season two of Supernatural, and I only have two words: HOLY SHIT. We are now two episodes into season three.

Yeah. Making my FTFK video was about the only productive thing I did all day. I also ate some delicious grilled cheese.

Oh. But I did see Posh Spice's band's new MySpace layout and promos... Apparently he posted it on Facebook and a lot of our mutual friends "liked" it, so it showed up on my news feed, much to my displeasure. But, I figured a small peek wouldn't hurt.

He looked ridiculous. Don't get me wrong, the quality of the photographs and layout was superb, but he just looked ridiculous. And all I could do was laugh. And then I showed my Aunt Shana and she laughed too. And commentated on how homosexual he looked. She is most definitely not the first person to have had that theory. Or the second, or the third...

Anyway. Point is. It kind of stirred things up for me again. All of the resentment and the wishing I could have done things differently... I asked my aunt, "Hey, why did I date such a douche?" She asked me, "How old were you?" "I had just turned sixteen." "That's why," she said. And she's right, to an extent. There were other underlying issues also. I'm a pretty self-destructive person, and he used me and psychologically fucked me over from the very beginning, from the very first time we met. So naturally, I was hooked. I became his best friend, I fell head over heels in love with him, refused to let myself even look at another guy that way, completely dedicated myself to him, for almost five months before we dated. And during those five months, I cannot even begin to tell you the magnitude with which he screwed me over. And that last final time, the worst time, when not even a day after telling me, "I don't want to be in a relationship with you or push anything romantic on you because I don't want to hurt you," he ended up making out with me on my couch while we were watching the Smurfs (this wasn't the first time that this sort of thing had happened, it was just that we had been through so much of it already and he promised he wouldn't do it to me anymore). Then acted like nothing had happened the rest of the night. When I asked him about it, he told me it was a slip of self control, basically. And then the next day, I found out he liked this girl from our school who I didn't even know he knew (and I was his "best friend").

And that was just BEFORE we dated. And it doesn't even scratch the surface. I could write a freaking book. Like really. You don't even KNOW.

But wow. I didn't mean for that paragraph to be so long. It's just... I don't really know. I guess what bothers me the most about Posh Spice is that he puts himself off as this wonderful, loving, caring person. And then does things that totally go against it. He also has a terrible habit of avoiding all of his problems, his "demons" so to speak.

I guess it may have to do with the fact that I've been watching Supernatural for three (four?) days straight, but I like to think that rather than running from my demons, like Posh Spice does, I should be kicking their asses and sending them straight back to where they came from, just like Sam and Dean do on Supernatural... however I don't think I'm quite there yet. I'm still a step ahead of Posh Spice though. At least I acknowledge my demons. I embrace them, even, at times. I work with them. I come by it honestly. So I can go to sleep at night knowing, that no matter what, no one can ever call me a fake. I know what I am, I know where I've been, and I'm capable of. I just don't know where I'm going. But I'll figure it out.

Hahaha. I bet most of you reading this blog are like, "what?"

But that's okay.

Well there's your angst, guys! Haha. And there's plenty more where that came from!

No text from Tastycake either. I'm pretty sure he probably thought I was some psycho-crazy-wacked-out stalker. But that's okay. I tried. I'm actually kind of sorry for him. I put quite the burden on his shoulders- making him carry the torch of hope for all the guys of the world and all. And hey, maybe he just hasn't gotten around to it. We'll see.

I'm single. I'm seventeen. I'm mildly adorable, even if I am awkward and shy and socially incapable. I make up for that in quirkiness and a charming outlook on life. Life is perfect right now. And I plan on making the most of it. Starting with this summer.

The demon ass-kicking will have to wait. For now, I am going to enjoy myself as I am. Late night blog postings and all.

Days gone without contacting Posh Spice: Who cares? He's a piece of shit.
Weight: Dear god.
Pre-life crisis related tantrums had this summer: 2
Twitter followers: 920


  1. You're fucking stupid.

  2. After reading all this, I wanted to take a deep breath for you! :P (I hope that even made sense...)
    I've really enjoyed your blog thus far! Too many exclamation marks for 3AM. Night! :D

    Oh and right before I post this comment - to the oh so brave Anonymous person: YOU'RE fucking stupid. <3 I mean that with all the love one can have for an Anon. And because I'm scared. ;D

  3. This. Was. Amazing.<3
    'Nuff said.

  4. AMEN SISTER! I totally understand everything you just said. I really want to watch that show now. The demons thing rings so true! I love it. I smiled, giggled, and agreed through this whole thing!
    Well hopefully with tastycakes you will get more confence to talk to more boys.

  5. ah, i can totally relate to everything you wrote about your ex. it's so good to read about someone who's gone through very, very similar things to me. i really admire your strength and your attitude towards the whole situation - it really shows throughout this post, it's definitely the furtherest thing from 'fkn stupid'. :]

  6. It's just like you said in your FTFK video. Boys. are. stupid. I feel like what Posh Spice did to you is sadly a good representation of how a lot of young girls get treated by their asshole boyfriends. Don't get me wrong, I know that there are SOME guys on the more mature side that may be able to handle a relationship at 16/17, but honestly a lot of guys just need to learn to grow a pair. I'm happy that you can move on, because (from your tumblr, youtube, and blog) you really seem like one hell of a girl, one that deserves way better than Posh Spice's douchbaggery. Anyway, as for Tastycake, don't lose hope. Who knows, maybe one day you'll wake up one glorious morning to find a text from him. Then you can blog about it.:)

  7. drftgvyhbjnkderftgyhuj. bree, i just want to hug you after reading that. it was such a powerful ending after reading how posh spice [this blog totally assured me of who it is now] was such a poop head. he really does just give off that fake sweet person act. but especially after reading this, my whole perspective of him has changed. even though he may of hurt you at the time when the end of your relationship came, i'm so glad you're now away from being with such an awful person.
    you're such an amazing person and i truly believe that you deserve someone much better than mister dumb posh spice. someone who is able to face their demons with you instead of hiding them with a fake act. someday you will find someone who will treat you much better and will be a great person. no more posh spice. :]
    p.s; i went and looked at his band's myspace too. i can not agree more with you on how he ridiculous he looks. seriously. xD

  8. Those other two (at this time) anons are just turds in the yard. Anyone capable of reading can see you're obviously maturing and a beautiful mind!

    Posh might even be one of them, haha!

    I can tell this blog is good. For you.

  9. That was great <3

    No one ever deserves to be treated like that, ever & i'm glad that you have realized that. (:
    You seem like a great person, we've talked on formspring before, you helped me with a breakup & it really helped (kristinofdoomx3) (:

  10. First of all, I'm friends with Posh Spice on facebook and other time consuming socialing networks and pretty much he's not worth your time. From the beginning I could tell that he was "too nice" the I'm-going-to-stab-you-in-back-while-keeping-my-perfect-image kind of nice. Don't worry, in a couple of years you'll have everything you could want (love, success) and he'll come out of the closet even though know ones there to know because he's pushed everyone away. And his "band"? Hahahaha.....ha. I think you are handling the situation very well.
    Tastycakes better get his act together and text you!
    And to those anonymous haters? That's really cute but you see, in order for your little comments to make sense Bree would actually have to be stupid and immature. Like if she went around posting anonymous shit to people's beautiful blogs. Oh wait.. examine your ownselves before you judge others and go higher your self esteem somewhere else.

  11. i must say that your blogs are very interesting and addicting. you seem to be a very strong person. your really pretty so if tastycakes doesnt text you back he will be missing out on alot! =)

  12. i love your daily blogs lol.
    don't worry about poshspice, he seems like a jerk.
    just look forward to the future, enjoy the summer, and im sure that things will fall into place :)

    ps. haters gtfo. haha

  13. this was really well written! good grief, i was reading this, and couldn't freaking get away from the structure. nice effort (i'm really sorry for talking about the structure, but you just owned it.)

    even though this dickhead's hurt you, it's really good that you're picking out lessons from it. i really dig that. it's not acceptable for a guy to lead girls on like that, and i think you're incredible handling it the way you do. just keep being yourself, bree, and a nice guy will come along! :D

    i don't know why someone would leave a bad comment on this. it's not even cool or worth it. you're brilliant and don't ever change. you're not 'mildly adorable', you're freaking the coolest person ever. effort. :) <3

  14. Bree,
    I love days in which you basically do nothing. Every one has demons to address, and im glad you are addressing yours now; i on the other hand have them all lined up in a row, have turned my back stuck my fingers in my ears and yelling "LALALALA I CANT SEE YOU LALALA OUT OF SIGHT OUT OF MIND LALALALALA" My method sucks c:
    I was in a sort of relationship with this guy, and he was lying to me completely, i ahd trusted him so much- then he turned it all on my head leaving me broken and crumbled. my best friend had been affected by him too, and she had to get away from everything that reminded her of him, which is why we are barely talking to each other again- this was about three years ago too. In fact he even ruined two names for me, them being "Alex, and Paul" i get sick whenever i hear those names- its not good.
    BUT! I have found myself a wonderful guy i call him "likeinterest" even though its more than like... thats what he has been known as for the past year? has it been that long already?! ohmy!

    my day was WONDERFUL.
    - my little pony bubble bath
    - my first bank deposit
    - spending some of my own earned money
    - subway for lunch
    - an hour lunch
    - starting work at ten!
    - eating my favouriiiteee fruit ever! white flesh peaches!!
    - playing tennis
    - going to walmart with stacy
    - ipod speakers
    - fizzy tub colours.

    today was very good!
    i hope your day was as well!