Saturday, July 3, 2010

Home sweet home!

Thank you's for Marina, Kaelin, Sabrina, Alycia, Marta, James, Misty, Blair, and Carolyn. You guys are always so great.

So, I'm home now. And I'm very glad to be. I love being at my aunt's house, but, there really is nothing quite like sleeping in your own bed.

What really surprised me is how much I missed my dad. He really is amazing. My dad and I have had a really spotty history, before I moved in with him, when I lived with my mom, he very rarely called or visited or anything. And it really hurt me, and sometimes it still makes me sad when I think about it, considering he knew what my mom was like. But, he is still perfect in my eyes. And always will be. Lately I have been just itching to move out, but then when I saw my dad's face today it reminded me how much he really means to me. I love my dad.

As soon as I woke up this morning, I downed a few more chocolate chip cookies, and watched the last four episodes of season four of Supernatural with my aunt and uncle. And I really can't wait to find out what happens next. I figure I'll torrent season five now, and buy it on DVD when it comes out. So addictive.

Then we made the two hour drive back to my city, and they stayed and chatted with my parents for a while.

Before I took a shower I was tempted to weigh myself... But instead I'm going to wait until tomorrow morning, for accuracy. Terrified. Thankfully, when I got home today there was the new issue of Seventeen waiting for me (with Rihanna on the cover, I'm not a huge fan of her music but on a personal level I think she is a wonderful role model and a beautiful woman) and it has this whole six week workout plan thing in it that I think I'll try. It'll take me less than two weeks to get back to the shape and weight I was at before I went to Tampa, but there's no harm in being healthier.

I got a text from Posh Spice's mom today, asking about my Fourth of July plans. It made my day. I love hearing from her. I miss her so much. Posh Spice's house was pretty much my second home, and I was really close with his mom and his grandparents. So, breaking up not only messed up the relationship and friendship we had, but it tore me away from these wonderful people who had become my family. That was definitely one of the hardest parts of being dumped. I still miss them and think about them every day.

It's so good to be home.

Jack's Mannequin just came on my itunes (it's on shuffle) and for a brief moment, I was shot back through time, I was fourteen years old again, wearing sharpie-covered Converse and purple dye in my hair, not caring about anything but the music. Feeling emotions I didn't quite understand yet.

But of course, just as every song ends (now Tame Impala is playing), so did that stage in my life. I never would've imagined at fourteen years old that my life would be the way it is, right this second. And that was only three years ago. If you had told me back then that over the next few years I would find the courage to move out of my mom's house, start over at a brand new high school, get in with the "wrong crowd" but then pull myself back out, stop throwing up, befriend the most beautiful people I've ever seen, fall in love with my best friend, get totally torn apart by said best friend after the most intense and involved relationship ever, graduate high school in one piece, and end up pre-majoring in psych, I would have looked at you like you were crazy. At the rate I was going, I was almost positive I was going to off myself before it was all over with. I never told anybody that. Mostly because I always had hope. I couldn't see a world past the one I was living in then, but I had faith that it was there anyways. And I try and apply that concept to every other part of my life, to this day.

Anyway. That's all for now folks. See you tomorrow.

Weight: We'll see tomorrow, won't we?
Pre-life crisis related tantrums had this summer: 2
Twitter followers: 926


  1. First of all I got my Seventeen today also and I have the same views about Rihanna :) I'm also doing the workout plan! Second, reading about your past made me actually tear up (I can't believe I'm admitting that). It reminds me of myself, both past and present. I'm only 16 but I wish I had the courage to leave my mom. I relate to so much and I'd really like to message you sometime? You feel like someone I could maybe actually be able to talk to and I really admire your bravery. The situation with Posh Spice's family must be difficult, it was selfish of him not only to hurt you but do it in a way that made you lose more then just him. I can't even imagine going through that.

  2. Omg, i totally got that issue of seventeen magazine & am starting that 6 week diet thing on monday. (: andd when you talked about losing touch with his family, that really hit home with me because i was close with my ex's 8 year old niece & his sister. I really hated that part too, especially because she is 8 and calls me her best friend, but she still texts me sometimes (:
    Your great

  3. it's always nice to come home after being away for a while. the feeling is just so good to be back and see everything and everyone you missed.
    things do change so much over time. even if it is just a couple years or so. you can never really expect how the future will be so people normally just live in the now and don't expect for a great future. i didn't always have the happiest life like i find myself having now. in middle school i was always upset and thought of unpleasant thoughts most of the time, but i acted like i was happy to not draw attention to myself. so i guess i'm like you in that way of having hope. hope is a great thing to hold onto, so i'm really glad you had that and still do.
    also, if i were you, i'd probably find it really awkward getting texts from an ex's mom. i mean, i understand that she's a nice lady and you like her, but i dunno, i'd still just find it weird. xD

  4. what is the 6 week diet thing? we dont get 17 here, so do you think you could describe it or like scan the page? idk, it sounds like something i'd like to do.
    it's great youre so close with your dad. and its great youre so close with posh spice's mum.
    and youre doing pre psych? that sounds very exciting. youve probably mentioned that before, but oh well XD

  5. I ditto sleeping in your own bed. It feels so good after some time spent away from home.
    It's good that you've made progress and your life is looking up! (:
    Don't beat yourself up to much about some extra pounds. the 6 week plan sounds good. I second Rebecca in wanting a scan of the page.
    It's good that you can semi stay in contact with Posh Spice's mom. It's hard when you break a relationship in anyway when you have to lose other people too.
    Read ya tomorrow!

  6. I'm still waiting for my issue :/ I think I'll try the six week thing as well :)

  7. happy fourth of july! we don't really celebrate it here, but we had some fireworks and stuff last night, so i'm feeling a little festive :) haha

    it's cool that you missed your dad after all that! i think that's pretty rad of you. posh spice sounds like a cock by the way, i don't think i said that before, but his mum sounds like a lovely person.

    i love coming home after being on holiday, or ages away from my house. i love that feeling when you're like, coming through the main street and being all "OMG that shop looks really different". haha, maybe that's just me, but i really dig that last five minute drive until you reach your house. and the sleep is always incredible on the first night back. welcome back i guess! :D haha <3

  8. I really adore these blogs.<3
    Like fer real.