Tuesday, July 6, 2010


Sigh. It is 5:30 PM, which is really early compared to my normal posting times. But, at the rate my day has been going, not much else is going to happen, and there is not much else to do at the moment.

I'm going to thank all the commenters from yesterday's 'legit' post, Sabrina, Marina, Kaelin, Enya, Rebecca, and Summer (why yes, I do remember you from MySpace. The good ol' days, for sure), but those who read and commented on my Bonus! post about my cats get an extra cookie. That would be Anais (after following your Tumblr, I am also convinced we are the same person), Rebecca, James, Leigh, Anonymous Reader, Marina, and Elz. You people are wonderful and I feel I don't give you enough credit and attention as it is, but the comments you left on the cat-post (lol?) really proved how amazing you guys are.

Okay. Enough harping about how much I love my readers.

I stayed up until five in the morning last night, mostly watching more Supernatural online but also doing other productive things, like recovering some embarassing childhood photographs (I was a strange child) and discussing my film school dreams with my cats.

I woke up at around eleven to babysit my little sister (Felicity, she's six) until three in the afternoon. Which was fun. She watched me do my yoga, and then asked to join. And I must say, her attempts were about a billion times more successful than mine. I'd be embarrassed for myself if I weren't so proud of what a beautiful, impressive little girl she really is.

Anyway. I wanted to make plans with my friend Amy tonight but she's busy and I really am exhausted and sick. And I'm going to exploit my sinus issues as an excuse to stay in my house and not move around much tonight. I did, however, successfully make plans for tomorrow and Friday, so I don't feel too bad about myself.

Hey. Today was productive. I served as a substitute caregiver for my younger sibling. That's a pretty important role to fill, if you ask me.

I also spent some time agonizing over my future. I know I'm only seventeen and fresh out of high school and I will probably be in a completely different position on the subject a year from now, but it feels like there is an insurmountable amount of pressure coming at me from all directions to know exactly what I want to do for forever, and have it be something that satisfies everyone but myself, and that will provide for my parents when they're old.

My dad is on this whole you-need-to-study-something-that-will-make-money-for-you-in-the-future-and-it-doesn't-matter-if-you-like-it-or-not kick and it kind of sucks. I get that he wants me to either be something in the medical or legal field because he cares about me and doesn't want me to be a bum on the streets, but dear god. I do not care about anything in the medical field. I do not care about anything in the legal field. I have absolutely no interest or desire to study either. My real dream, of course, is to go to film school in either L.A. or New York and study editing, preferably for film, but music videos or television would be equally as rewarding. But don't you dare mention that to my dad. He would instantly dismiss it as a frivolous and fanciful idea with no chance of ever actually happening.

What he doesn't understand is that, I do understand where he's coming from. But I'm not him. And I'm not my stepmom. And I'm certainly not my mom; I'm not going to waste my education on something I can't actually do anything with, I'm not going to get married when I'm eighteen, and I'm not an idiot. I also have a growing body of work (hello, my YouTube channel?) and I intend to make more videos with a focus on technical and editing quality. Like more short films and the like.

So, while I am-


My dad just checked the mail, and my acceptance letter to Seminole State College just arrived. Which increased my mood by about ten thousand percent.

Anyway. Back to the angst.

So while I am going to compromise with my father by getting my AA in two years (at the college I was just accepted to, woooooo), pre-majoring in pysch (something I can fall back upon and will support me in my future, dad!), I am still going to spend time building up my portfolio and checking out film schools and what I have to do to get into one. As unrealistic as it sounds, I am not going to be someone who sacrifices happiness and fulfillment for guaranteed security, and if anyone can pull this off, it's me. And who knows. Maybe I will fall in love with psychology and stick with it. I'm only a little girl for now, nothing is set in stone just yet. Everything is possible.

Weight: 110.0
Twitter followers: 935
Suggestions for a third tally? I got tired of all the others.


  1. I think that if you love where you work, you will get earn more money and get more satisfaction from yourself and others. And I think, whatever anyone else may say or think, if you work hard for what you want and love to do, you will be more satisfied and proud of yourself. So I hope you do fulfill your future dreams. :)

  2. i'm really glad you're going to go on what you want to do in life and not just what your dad is telling you to do. you need to pick something that you'll be happy with and actually have interest in doing, not just something that will be automatically financially good for your future or something. that is nice, but if you're not happy with it, then it's not all that worth it. well, that's just my opinion on that. i believe i've already made up my mind of what i want to go to college for, but i'm only going to be a junior in the fall, so things may change, but either way, i'll still want to do something that will make me happy in the long run.
    but anyway, just keep sticking with what you think will make you happiest in the end. i hope you achieve all that you want to do. also, congratulations on getting accepted into that college! :D

  3. I like cookies, what kind of cookie? I know it's virtual and all, but inquiring mind(s) want to know.
    I think community college is a really good choice for you, or anyone who isn't sure about what they want to do. Congrats on getting accepted!
    Film school would be amazing.
    I can't wait to see your short films on youtube!
    As for third tally? Days until college? This isn't really a tally per say, but question of the day? Do you paint your nails or wear earings? How many times you've redied your hair?

  4. Thank you for always thanking commenters :) it makes me so glad that you care. and I love reading your blogs :)
    Childhood photographs are the best
    Your little sister sounds really cool :) I'd love to be able to do yoga
    I think it's horrible having to pick what we want to do with the rest of our lives so early. I think Film school sounds so great for you, it's what will make you happy, and plus your videos of youtube are just amazing.
    OH WOW GOOD JOB on being accepted :) woo! <3

  5. I can totally relate to you :( I've been freaking out about my future, too (I actually just blogged about that!) It's really tough. I'm in the same boat as you. The things I love to do aren't things that will land me at a job where I can make tons of money. It's scary chasing after something you love when you know that by doing so, you'll really have no way of knowing how you'll get by financially.

    Anyways, I just thought I'd tell you that I love your videos on youtube and you actually inspired me to start a new blog here :D So yay! And congrats on being accepted!

    As for tallies, hmmm - maybe instead of another tally you can do a "why today is awesome" type of things - yanno, FiveAwesomeGirls style? :D

    I hope some of your future related stress eases up! Hang in there.

    - Jess

  6. Yay! You got in! Step one is complete. :-)

  7. Don't worry I fail at Seventeen style yoga as well. It's all worth it in the end. Congrats! Pychology will be so rewarding, I plan on getting a major in English and minor in pychology. I missed a few days of your blog because I was mega busy but I'm all caught up now :) thanks for giving an isomniac like me something to do at 1:33 am <3
    as for the tally thing I'm not sure, something to do with your followers or college perhaps?

  8. glad you got accepted.
    the future scares me too. i hope you get to pursue film as it is a talent you have!

  9. Hi bree, I've been you following for a while..
    I love your ftfk videos, and i love your tumblr posts!
    I like to read the things you type, no matter how boring the story might be, you make it very enjoyable to read
    I really hope you'd pursue your interest in film!
    oh and I think you're a beautiful and amazing girl:)

  10. thanks for the mention again, you're incredibly lovely.

    congrats on getting in! that's so awesome! you must be excited. my dad's doing that to me too! i want to be a music teacher, and he's telling me that i should do something with more money in it, even though i've wanted to teach my whole life. i'm 17 too, so i'm sort of deciding which path i'll take! gosh. i better think about that.

    keep it up <3 :)

  11. The way you write so well makes me want to start a blog,but i doubt i'll write this good.