I'm going to thank all the commenters from yesterday's 'legit' post, Sabrina, Marina, Kaelin, Enya, Rebecca, and Summer (why yes, I do remember you from MySpace. The good ol' days, for sure), but those who read and commented on my Bonus! post about my cats get an extra cookie. That would be Anais (after following your Tumblr, I am also convinced we are the same person), Rebecca, James, Leigh, Anonymous Reader, Marina, and Elz. You people are wonderful and I feel I don't give you enough credit and attention as it is, but the comments you left on the cat-post (lol?) really proved how amazing you guys are.
Okay. Enough harping about how much I love my readers.
I stayed up until five in the morning last night, mostly watching more Supernatural online but also doing other productive things, like recovering some embarassing childhood photographs (I was a strange child) and discussing my film school dreams with my cats.
I woke up at around eleven to babysit my little sister (Felicity, she's six) until three in the afternoon. Which was fun. She watched me do my yoga, and then asked to join. And I must say, her attempts were about a billion times more successful than mine. I'd be embarrassed for myself if I weren't so proud of what a beautiful, impressive little girl she really is.
Anyway. I wanted to make plans with my friend Amy tonight but she's busy and I really am exhausted and sick. And I'm going to exploit my sinus issues as an excuse to stay in my house and not move around much tonight. I did, however, successfully make plans for tomorrow and Friday, so I don't feel too bad about myself.
Hey. Today was productive. I served as a substitute caregiver for my younger sibling. That's a pretty important role to fill, if you ask me.
I also spent some time agonizing over my future. I know I'm only seventeen and fresh out of high school and I will probably be in a completely different position on the subject a year from now, but it feels like there is an insurmountable amount of pressure coming at me from all directions to know exactly what I want to do for forever, and have it be something that satisfies everyone but myself, and that will provide for my parents when they're old.
My dad is on this whole you-need-to-study-something-that-will-make-money-for-you-in-the-future-and-it-doesn't-matter-if-you-like-it-or-not kick and it kind of sucks. I get that he wants me to either be something in the medical or legal field because he cares about me and doesn't want me to be a bum on the streets, but dear god. I do not care about anything in the medical field. I do not care about anything in the legal field. I have absolutely no interest or desire to study either. My real dream, of course, is to go to film school in either L.A. or New York and study editing, preferably for film, but music videos or television would be equally as rewarding. But don't you dare mention that to my dad. He would instantly dismiss it as a frivolous and fanciful idea with no chance of ever actually happening.
What he doesn't understand is that, I do understand where he's coming from. But I'm not him. And I'm not my stepmom. And I'm certainly not my mom; I'm not going to waste my education on something I can't actually do anything with, I'm not going to get married when I'm eighteen, and I'm not an idiot. I also have a growing body of work (hello, my YouTube channel?) and I intend to make more videos with a focus on technical and editing quality. Like more short films and the like.
So, while I am-
WE INTERRUPT THIS ANGSTY BLOG ENTRY TO BRING YOU A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT.
My dad just checked the mail, and my acceptance letter to Seminole State College just arrived. Which increased my mood by about ten thousand percent.
Anyway. Back to the angst.
So while I am going to compromise with my father by getting my AA in two years (at the college I was just accepted to, woooooo), pre-majoring in pysch (something I can fall back upon and will support me in my future, dad!), I am still going to spend time building up my portfolio and checking out film schools and what I have to do to get into one. As unrealistic as it sounds, I am not going to be someone who sacrifices happiness and fulfillment for guaranteed security, and if anyone can pull this off, it's me. And who knows. Maybe I will fall in love with psychology and stick with it. I'm only a little girl for now, nothing is set in stone just yet. Everything is possible.
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Suggestions for a third tally? I got tired of all the others.