Thursday, August 26, 2010

Monkey & Bear

Today was a high stress day that involved me getting my new bed from Ikea and some not-entirely-necessary comments from my stepmother.

But that's not what this blog will be about.

This blog will be a follow-up from yesterday.

First off, before you guys jump to crazy conclusions about what it was I did yesterday, just know that it was nothing illegal, and I was comfortable enough to go to my biological mom for advice about it. What happened wasn't really something I did, it was something I allowed to happen, and it wasn't bad or wrong in and of itself, there's just some other issues at hand behind it.

Yesterday, when I was having a mild emotional breakdown over the "incident" on the phone with Alison, I made it sound like my main concern/problem with the situation had to do with other people. "Oh if this person knew, she would hate me" and "there is still emotional involvement here and here and it's not fair to anyone" and "but I like Vanilla Ice!" and "I don't want to be the rebound" and etc..

Then, last night, I was laying in bed, reading a cookbook and listening to Joanna Newsom on my iPod. The song Monkey & Bear came on, which is a beautiful, beautiful song, and I highly recommend you go listen to it, right now.

The song tells the story of a monkey and a bear who leave the circus, the monkey promising to provide the bear with friendship and freedom and happiness, but, as it turns out, the monkey is actually using the bear, and manipulates her into dancing and preforming for money just like she did for the circus. I'd explain it better, but you could just google the lyrics. In fact, go do that right now. I'll wait.

Welcome back! I'm assuming you read those lyrics, yeah? Okay. Well hopefully you gathered that the bear just wanted to be free, and when she realized the monkey was a stupid lying piece of dookie, she schemes to run away from the monkey. And she drowns trying to do so. But the message of the song is that freedom is worth everything. And that sometimes, our freedom as we perceive it is an illusion.

As you probably know, "Bree Bear" is a commonly used pet name for me by my friends and family, and I use different variations of the term for my internet aliases. It goes a little deeper than that. Bears are my favorite animal. When I was little they were my favorite part of the zoo (even though I felt bad that they were confined to such a small space with other bears crowding them), and for the longest time I actually told relatives that I was a bear cub when I was a baby, who somehow grew into a human toddler (I now look back on this, and wonder if it's a sign that I was reincarnated). I love bears. I identify with them. Bears are solitary creatures that like to sleep for long periods of time and can be cranky and eat a lot. That's me.

And the bear from "Monkey & Bear" is no exception to this rule.

It occurred to me while listening to this song, that Ursula(the bear's name in the song)'s feelings about her oppression and abuse at the hands of the monkey are identical to my own feelings about past relationships and relationships in general. I realized just how much I absolutely detest the thought of being in a relationship, how much I value my freedom and how I never want to give that up again. I am a bear. I am a solitary creature, I'm built to be happy this way. And that is worth everything.

I really owe Joanna Newsom for enabling me to have this epiphany and put these pieces together, and now I know what needs to happen.

Thank God for music.

1 comment:

  1. the way you interpreted the song was beautiful :) and i'm glad you shared it with everyone on this site. your blog is amazing to me, that you have such an interesting life and your style of carrying yourself. i've been with you since fiveyoungergirls, and you've always been my favorite. i feel like i relate to you in some weird way. when you compared yourself to a bear, i know that exact feeling. enjoying solidarity. and there is never anything wrong with that :) i might go a month without looking at your videos or reading this blog, but i come back and i feel at home. you've always been a role model to me, i truly think you are a beautiful person. i like writing sweet things in your formspring just to brighten up your day :) because you've given me something i can never repay you for. when i was at horrible low points, i would visit your personal channel and just waste time on there, getting tied up in your life. i've been through you with josh, seeing how attached to him you were, and the suffering you had to go through. but now i feel proud of you, that you experienced a negative relationship and grown from it. i've never contacted you before because i've been too nervous ._. even though i know you're fine with fans and such, i just like watching you from a distance. i love the way you talk about food with such precise detail, like it's your passion. i think everyone should have that certain aspect in one form or another. i love how you appreciate the people you have in your life and get rid of the people that bring you down. that is so, so important. and i gotta say, i would love to meet you someday :) -anais.