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Hey, lots of special thanks to Marta, Lisa, and Sabrina!

Today, I somehow managed to sleep until four. I have no idea how, I went to bed at two in the morning, but that's not nearly late enough to justify sleeping until four in the afternoon.

I've spent the day looking online and researching all sorts of culinary/pastry degree programs and schools. I grew up baking and creating new recipes with my mom, and if I were going to go into the food business, I would want to open up my own specialty cupcake shop.

But yeah. Uneventful day. I'm somehow sleepy, even though I slept for fourteen hours last night, and I don't have much else to say. Beyond that, I really appreciate this blog and what it's done for my life. It's my little outlet, and my way of recording everything that happens to me every day. I'm glad I started this.

Autumn?

So today's plans did work out.

You see, the day before yesterday, while texting Vanilla Ice about a priest who accidentally drowned a baby during a baptism, literally out of nowhere, he asked me if I'd like to watch (500) Days of Summer with him sometime. Obviously I said yes, perhaps a little too enthusiastically, and we planned it for the next available day, which was today.

I awaited today anxiously, I was almost positive I'd make a complete tool of myself, as I tend to do around intimidatingly cute boys.

I headed over to his house around noon, he lives in a cute little townhouse and it smelt like maple syrup, and his family was nice to me and his little brother reminded me of my little brother. His dog also happens to be the cutest dog in the entire world.

He enjoyed the movie (and laughed at all the right lines and reacted to all the right scenes) and it wasn't awkward. And then afterwards we spent the better part of an hour just talking, about everything, and he showed me his collection of cameras and told me about them and I WASN'T A TOTAL IDIOT. If I was, I was really too happy to notice.

I was glad I went... I really like talking to him, a lot. And I don't open up to people easily. At all.

Would it be terrible if he found this blog? The thought just crossed my mind. It's not like this blog is a secret or is terribly hard to find. I'm just counting on him not looking, I guess? He follows me on Tumblr, but only started following me recently... and the only other way he would find this is through Formspring or YouTube, but I get asked like ten million questions a day on there, I don't think he'd backtrack far enough through my Formspring questions and I don't think he watches my YouTube videos. Or at least I hope not.

Gosh. I'd be so embarrassed. I have literally poured out every detail of my fascination with him on this blog, and if he ever read it he'd probably think I was an obsessed creepy weirdo. Haha.

So hopefully he just doesn't find out about this any time soon.

But it would be even better if he already knew about this blog, but was still taking the time to talk to me/invite me into his home EVEN THOUGH I creepily gush about him on my public blog.

After I left his house, my stepmom got me some lunch, and I took an hour-long happy-nap. I woke up due to the fact that my family is SO FREAKING LOUD. Diesel, our doberman pup, barks at literally everything. And for a five month old puppy, he has the most terrifying, deep, booming bark I have ever heard. My sister runs around the house, banging things and screaming and squealing. My dad shouts (not at anyone or in an angry manner, he just talks too loud sometimes) and the TV volume is always unnecessarily high. It's not exactly an ideal napping environment.

I emerged from my bedroom to find my family in the kitchen, all huddled around a doughy mess of a homemade pizza that needed to go in the oven. It's hard to be mad at your family for waking you up when they do cute things like making pizza together, even if the pizza looks slightly pre-digested.

Then it dawned on me how perfect and wonderful today really was, and how perfect and wonderful life is, and how perfect and wonderful the world can be sometimes, and I did what anyone who has just realized the perfection and wonder of the world does.

I blared "You Make My Dreams Come True" by Hall & Oates from the speakers of my MacBook and danced around my kitchen/living room like an idiot.

Tonight I am going to watch Harry Potter with my family and continue being happy with everything.

I really miss Amy and wish Sunday would come faster.

I really hope that today I came off as lovable and endearing and cute and other good adjectives, rather than awkward and creepy and socially inept.

I really wish I had a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream and some Benadryl.

I'll see you guys tomorrow!

My friends are the best.

So let's see how fast I can write this blog, since the new Degrassi airs in four minutes!

Today was awesome, pretty much.

I woke up, ate breakfast, and took a three hour nap. When I woke up, Alison, who has been in St. Augustine for the past couple weeks, was in my front yard. I was generally ecstatic and we spent some time squealing over each other and hugging and catching up on life. I also spent several minutes marveling at her freshly tanned skin and her gorgeous ocean hair. Alison, who has always been gorgeous in a surfer-girl, all-American way, is now this exotic beach goddess, and frankly, I am jealous.

Also, let it be known that Degrassi is on, and I'm writing this during commercial breaks.

After that, I threw on whatever clothes I could find and did something with my hair, and we headed out the door. We stopped at Goodwill and did some thrifting, but ultimately didn't find anything, so we left and met up with Daniella at the Publix where she works.

We got into Daniella's beautiful summer car, and made a road trip to downtown Orlando to visit Ikea! I love Ikea. We spent a good couple of hours looking around at furniture and housewares together, picking out things we liked and taking pictures of them (Daniella and I hope to move into an apartment together next summer, so long as I can find a job...). It was really fun, and it felt really good to be musing about the future with two people I love so much. And it made me realize how much I don't want to be tied down to anything any time soon.

After we finished looking around, we ate at the bistro downstairs. Alison and I both had the fifty cent hot dog, Daniella had pizza and the three of us split a cinnamon bun. It was delicious. I also purchased a tasty Swedish chocolate bar.

Once our bellies were filled, we visited the Millenia Mall... which is pretty much the biggest, most wonderful mall in central Florida. We went into Urban Outfitters and looked all the beautiful, expensive clothes. Millenia also has a GIANT Forever 21, so we spent plenty of time in there. Daniella got a couple shirts, Alison bought some shorts, and I got a ten dollar blue dress that I'm really happy with.

We took Alison back to the Publix where we left her car, and Daniella and I went back to my house, where we planned some room renovations for me, and she helped schedule my appointment to enroll in my classes for the fall, and helped me pick out the courses and times I want. We're both going to the same campus, and both of us picked all of our classes for Mondays and Wednesdays, so somedays we could probably carpool (she has to be there a little earlier than I do though). Also, as long as the schedule and classes I picked aren't full, our lunch breaks will coincide. So even though I'm really excited to meet new people, having a friend already on campus will make the first few days much, much easier.

And Degrassi is now over... I'm little disappointed with tonight's episode. Even though I'm already in love with Eli. I think he's adorable.

Anyway. I should be off to bed soon. I have big, wonderful, amazing plans tomorrow. I'd tell you guys now, but I think I'd rather surprise you tomorrow. Hopefully it all works out and I don't end up stuck at home!

I love you all, very much.

Hotel Song

Last night I stayed up until eight in the morning video chatting with my friend Robbie.

I love him dearly and we made plans to go camping soon.

Because I stayed up so late, I slept most of the day. I had planned to go pay Posh Spice's mom a visit this evening, but she texted me today telling me he was home, so we rescheduled.

So tonight I am going to text Vanilla Ice (who has never seen (500) Days of Summer) and watch Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince with my family and stay up for the replay of tonight's new Degrassi at midnight.

Since this blog isn't anything interesting and I don't really feel like writing anything at all, here's a screen shot from last night/this morning's fabulous iChat session.

Sugar Town

Hello readers!

I really loved reading all your comments on my last entry. It's interesting to me how no two people seem to have the same thoughts or opinions on love... I guess it's just like faith, it's something different to everyone.

Today was a good day.

Last night I made a listography account, which is a really useful and fun website if you're like me, and you make lists for everything. It's a very versatile place, and I can almost see it becoming the next Tumblr. It has a lot of potential. You can go visit my profile and see my lists here, it's a work in progress.

I woke up at two in the afternoon, and the first thing I did was make a batch of fudge. It came out perfectly. If you've ever made fudge from scratch, the old fashioned way, you know that it's a very time and temperature sensitive thing, and even though my mom taught me how to make it when I was very young (she learned from my dad's late mother, my grandmother), it's really easy to mess up and sometimes the texture comes out slightly off (last time I made it, it wasn't as creamy as it should have been, but I was the only one that noticed the difference), but this time around I got it spot on. My only complaint is that my stepmom got me milk chocolate instead of semisweet to use, so it came out tasting less rich than normal... but it's still delicious.

After that, my best friend Michelle came over. She's been working at a local YMCA camp as a counselor for most of the summer, so I haven't seen her much. Last time I saw her, in fact, was for her and Daniella's "Hawaiian Extravaganza". It was really nice to see her. We went back to her house, caught up on life, and acted ridiculously. We made a trip to Publix because she needed to get some things for camp (ingredients for s'mores, flour for some prank they're going to pull, hot dogs, and ice cream salt). The majority of our Publix experience was spent tasting every possible sample they were handing out, and catching up with some kids from our school who work there. We also grabbed two little mini cartons of Starbucks Java-chip ice cream that came with individually wrapped spoons, and after we paid and left we sat outside of Publix, eating them in the sun on the sidewalk, soaking in the summer and talking about how our exes are both idiots.

We went back to her house for a bit, and I flipped through some old middle school yearbooks. I wasn't in any of them, obviously, since I didn't move to this town until the summer before junior year, but it was interesting to see what my classmates looked like back then. It's truly crazy how much people change.

I really love how Danger Cat always feels the need to cuddle with me when I'm writing a blog entry. She keeps blocking my view of the computer.

I left Michelle's house with a new pair of blue shorts, and a borrowed Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince DVD (I only have the digital copy, so this way I can watch it with my family tonight).

When I got home, there was a voicemail on our landline (yes, my family actually still has one) detailing some upcoming available positions working aftercare at my little sister's school.

I got really excited, and rushed to my bedroom to write out a politely worded email and sent it to the address that the voicemail had given, and now I'm going to cross my fingers. It wouldn't be very much cash, but money is money. Plus, as the oldest of seven, I'm used to handling hordes of crazy little kids. Kids love me. When I used to babysit, I always got along well with even the most hyper, bratty, or disobedient children. I think it has something to do with the fact that I'm a little childlike myself.

Let it be known that I had to stop babysitting, not because of the children, but because of their parents, who ranged from stupid to rude to creepy. Really.

Anyway, it'd be nice and convenient, and I could walk to the school from my house.

So hopefully I get a reply soon. I've been on sort of a job-hunting hiatus since school let out, and maybe this will kick-start my search again. Prior to graduation I was filling out applications left and right, but then summer came along and I got lazy.

Anyway, I'm getting off to go spend time with my family who I haven't seen all day, watch Harry Potter and eat fudge. I hope you all are having a really good day.

Rain on my mind

Hello readers! It's 7:51 PM, and I'm writing this from my living room.

Thank you to those of you that commented with your thoughts on the whole lucid dreaming subject, and I must say... you guys are better people than I am. Both of the commenters who touched on the topic of dream walking stated that they wouldn't be comfortable with going into someone else's dream... I feel differently on the matter, but we'll get to that.

If I were to have a lucid dream tonight, I'd probably get really creative. I'd mess with the physics of everything, just like Inception. I'd throw in Joseph Gordon-Levitt for good measure.

As for dreamwalking, I'm afraid I lack the strong moral fiber that my commenters seem to have. Of course I'd enter someone else's dreams, given the chance. I'd do good things, like getting inside Amy's head and conjuring up Jake Gyllenhaal for her. Or I'd go tell Vanilla Ice's subconscious to fall in love with me. And I'd really really like the chance to get inside Posh Spice's head and give him a piece of my mind, literally. I think I'd have too much fun inside his head, actually. So it's probably a good thing that I'm not likely to start dreamwalking any time soon. Haha.

I really want Amy and Andrew to date.

Seriously.

And I've discussed it with both of them multiple times. Amy's all for it, which is surprising because as far as dating and romance goes, Amy always has her guard up. She has this wall. But not with him. The two of them have this great chemistry together, and Amy is the exact opposite of Andrew's psycho ex (no exaggeration here), and just... Andrew needs someone that's not going to rush him into anything, someone that has her own life and her own priorities, someone that has awesome taste in music, someone that's beautiful and funny and shares his sense of humor. THAT SOMEONE IS AMY.

Every time I've discussed it with Andrew, he can never really argue with me. I've told him everything stated above, and he admits that all of that is true. But he keeps saying, "I want to be single right now", which is kind of a lie because he's been mildly pursuing this brainless bimbo (upon meeting me and Amy, this girl actually said, "oh my god it's like real life Tumblr!" ...what?) but still, I can understand wanting to be single, or whatever, because I'm in that same boat.

But honestly? He needs to pull his head out of his rear end, and seize the opportunity while he can. Amy won't wait around for him forever, and I can already see it playing out. Amy will find someone else who isn't a completely stubborn douche-master, and he'll feel like an idiot and regret not listening to me.

Or maybe I'm completely wrong. I probably don't have any idea what's best for these two people and I should probably stay out of it.

I sometimes focus on the romantic problems of those around me to distract myself from my own failure of a love-life... Hah.

I'm just doing the same thing I always do. Devoting all my romantic attention to someone completely unattainable, even though I know it will never go anywhere. And maybe that's a good thing, because if it never goes anywhere, I can't get hurt, right...?

That's a lie. Because one time, I did attain one of those unattainable boys. After months and months of him using me and hurting me and telling me repeatedly that he didn't want a relationship, I finally got Posh Spice to give in. I don't know how, but I did. And then guess what. He hurt me.

And sometimes I feel like a terrible person, because I have a history for pining over "perfect" guys who will never give me the same kind of attention (Vanilla Ice), or the complete jerks (Posh Spice). And I use the same dumb excuses every single time. "Oh, no one could ever measure up to him!" or "Nobody could possibly get me like he does!", it's always the same song and dance. But that doesn't make me a bad person, that just makes me stupid.

What makes me a terrible person is that the whole time, there is always some perfectly nice boy (or boys!) in the background, who would totally give me a chance, who I know would treat me like gold and there's nothing ever wrong with them. And what do I do? I step all over them. I never give them the chance they deserve. I hurt them. Just friends. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME????? LIKE. REALLY.

This is why it's better that I'm single. I'm too messed up. Hahaha.

My belief in "true love" and "soul mates" and especially, the institution of marriage, has been shaky since I was a little girl. I grew up with four different stepdads. When I was little, I thought people were SUPPOSED to get married and divorced several times throughout their lifetimes, once every two years or so. I guess I thought you were supposed to set up franchises or something. I remember being four years old, moving into a new neighborhood and meeting a little girl a few years older than I was and being really confused when I realized that she lived with both of her parents, in one house, and she didn't have any stepparents.

I mean, I'm sure there are some people that are really lucky, they're wired a certain way, and they're capable of maintaing a stable, happy (relatively), monogamous relationship, and then they're lucky enough to meet someone else who is really lucky and wired the same way, and then they go off and have a comfortable life together. Happily ever after, the works.

But, for most people it doesn't work that way. I mean, half the marriages today end in divorce, and who knows how many of the other fifty percent are actually happy? It just seems like such a far-fetched concept to me.

The logical side of me knows that love is just some random hormone fueled brain activity programmed into us with the intention of continuing the species. Logically, someone always gets hurt. Something goes wrong. One person grows tired of the other, the passion dies out, someone starts seeing someone else. Something. People end up staying together for the kids, or for the money, or for the familiarity.

And even if everything goes right, even if no one leaves, someone has to die first.

I'm depressing.

But then again... I'm still a teenage girl. And I still want to believe that it's possible, that it's possible for me, and that when I'm seventy years old, I'm going to be with someone whose stood by my side for years, and remembers what I was when I was young and beautiful, and still sees me that way.

Side note: I still take up issue with marriage as an government institution though. It's outdated and leftover from the days of women as property, and if I had my way, the government would have no business in our love lives whatsoever and we could have anybody in the hospital room that we pleased. I think that marriage should really be eliminated as a government thing altogether, and be replaced with civil unions, basically, so that people could still declare their partnership and get tax breaks and adopt kids and get a green card and whatever else. And if people still want to head on down to the church, wear the white dress and the tux and have it be recognized that way, then that's their prerogative, they should have every right to do so. Tradition is important. But that's also my solution to the gay marriage debate as well. That way a gay couple has the same exact rights and legal standing as a straight couple, and if the fundamentalists want to continue being assholes, it doesn't make a difference. YAY FOR SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE. -end nonsensical marriage rant-

Anyway. Back on topic. I really don't mean to be cynical when it comes to love, and if I brought any of you readers down... then I'm truly sorry. I know what it's like to be blissfully in love and to feel like it's going to last forever. I also know the soul-crushing darkness and pain of heartbreak, all too well. But after all, I'm only seventeen. There's plenty of time for me to figure it all out. Maybe someone will prove me wrong.

Alright. Time for me to take my angst elsewhere. Love you guys!

HEY GUYS.

Super big thanks to Hannah, Marisol, Alycia, Leigh, and Sabrina for reading and commenting on last post's whininess.

Tonight was actually amazing.

I spent the whole day watching Skins online, and then around 7:30 Andrew came to pick me up to go meet Amy and see Inception. Vanilla Ice couldn't make it, but it was okay because I saw Amy.

Andrew and I got there before Amy did, so we bought our tickets and then wandered about the mall, we stopped at Taco Bell and I whined to him about my unrequited crush and he tried to tell me how great I am and yada yada yada. Okay. Now if only the crush in question would see how supposedly awesome I am, then things would be great, now wouldn't they?

Well, Amy showed up, I gave her the biggest hug ever and got sad because she had a bad day, and I bought her M&M's, and her movie ticket.

We saw Inception and just... wow. Like really. Wow. It completely blew me away, and now I am questioning all reality. Everything about it was stunning. I'm not going to go into detail about my thoughts on it, because I don't want to spoil it for anyone, but just... GOD. Ellen Page was lovely, as usual. And Joseph Gordon-Levitt was just beautiful, I would marry him, no lie. And Leonardo DiCaprio has been one of my all-time favorite actors ever since I saw him in Romeo & Juliet when I was like, seven.

GO SEE INCEPTION, OKAY.

The film also struck a chord with me because I have always been interested in the idea of lucid dreaming. It's something I've always wanted to be able to do (even before I knew about Inception), and I've experimented with different techniques that I've found on the internet. For those of you who don't know, a lucid dream is basically a dream where you know you are dreaming, and therefore you are able to control and interact with your dream however you wish. If you think it sounds crazy or made up, think again. It's actually a very real, very scientific and well-documented phenomena, and there are ways of inducing it, but it takes practice.

Go google it.

I first became interested in lucid dreaming a little over a year ago when I had my first Super Serious Allergic Reaction!!! and I was in the hospital hooked up to an IV that was pumping Benadryl into me. The drug knocked me out, basically, but I suppose my mind stayed awake? And when I fell asleep, I knew I was dreaming. And I was like "what-even-am-I-hallucinating-is-this-really-what?" So that was what spurred my research.

Now, there are some people out there who believe in a less scientific phenomena vaguely related to lucid dreaming called "dreamwalking". Which basically means that people who are skilled enough at lucid dreaming can also somehow connect to almost a dreamwave-internet, and enter other people's dreams, and interact with them and control them. That sounds a bit far-fetched to me, but it'd be really, really cool, haha. Also the subject of dreamwalking was covered in a Supernatural episode. They went about it differently, but still. It tickled my fancy.

So, comment questions of the day: Have you ever had a lucid dream? If you did have a lucid dream, what would you do with it? And if you could dreamwalk, whose dreams would you enter and what would you do there?

I'll answer all the above questions in my next post. But for now, I need sleep. You guys are amazing.