Attractive waiters and self discovery

So sorry for skipping yet another day last night, but I wasn't at home, obviously.

Last night had to be one of the funnest nights of my summer. In celebration of Alison's birthday, I went out with Alison, Bianca, and Amy and had a really amazing time.

I got all dressed up, cute dress and heels, pretty makeup and hair (which sadly got killed by the Florida humidity) and Alison came and picked me up, and we met the other two girls at Bianca's house. After making ourselves look as attractive as possible, we went to this restaurant called Carlos and Charlie's. It's a nice enough place, the atmosphere is really really fun, there's dancing and a bar, and really, really good Mexican food, but the highlight of the whole experience is the super attractive waiters. Our waiter's name was "Craigilicious" and he was so much fun.

The greatest thing was that Craigilicious and this other (even more attractive) waiter would always stop and talk to us and joke with us and they were really funny and nice. The more attractive one knew Bianca and Alison by name because they go there so much. BUT THE BEST PART was when the attractive waiter came over to our table and was like, "Do you girls like to party?" and we were just like, "uh........" and he goes on to tell us how he's having a house party next week and he invited us to come and had us all write our numbers on this piece of paper and just SINCE WHEN DOES THIS HAPPEN IN MY LIFE?! And I know to you guys this whole situation probably sounds extremely sketchy, but, he was super nice, he's nineteen, a college student, and just. Gah. I can't even.

But beyond the super attractive and charismatic waiters, the food was really delicious and the company was awesome. I split some cheese enchiladas with Amy, and they were superb. Then, since it was Alison's birthday, all the waiters came over banging these big drums and they were all, "IT'S ALISON'S BIRTHDAY, SHE'S LEGAL! LET'S SING TO HER!" and they brought her a cute little cupcake. And then the one waiter gave her a cranberry juice "shot". And she kept the shot glass. Because we're wonderful people.

The whole thing was concluded with this amazingly delicious chocolate marquis with vanilla ice cream. Oh my god. It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever tasted in my life.

Amy had to leave early, which made me sad. But the car ride back to Bianca's with Bianca and Alison was filled with squeals of delight and complaints about having to pee. We got back to Bianca's and we laid on her bed for hours and just talked, about pretty much everything. We discussed one topic in particular in great length, about a certain person who has negative influence on our lives and the effect it's had... And when I was trying to fall asleep that night (which was difficult due to the presence of a "decrepit camera hand" outside of Bianca's window) I just thought to myself, "Hey, why is this person still in my life if it only makes me feel bad?"

I fell asleep and had a bad dream about my stepmom turning crazy evil.

When we woke up this morning, we gorged ourselves on waffles and banana bread and strawberry Pop-Tart. And we did lots more talking, in particular about Posh Spice, and how he's so completely out of my life now... And how amazing that is, and what a great effect it's had on me as a person. It made me realize how thankful I am for how things turned out, and how much happier I am with myself now, and what a terrible friend/boyfriend he really was, and I REALLY DON'T NEED HIM AFTER ALL YAYYYY.

Then Alison drove me home, and I came home to an empty house, which is the best feeling, and I wrote this blog entry. Because I am happy.

I love you guys, a lot.

I live in my pajamas

Today was a fail.

End.

Cinnabon and reunions

Hello blog readers! Special thanks and appreciation for Hannah and Sabrina!

So today started off like any other day. I woke up at eleven thirty, after some horrible nightmares about an ex-boyfriend of mine, stumbled out of bed to eat some apple slices and drink tea, and watched Peter Pan.

After dinner (I made cheese raviolis and garlic bread) Michelle swung by. Her time working as a summer camp counselor is coming to an end, and she had the night off. She marveled at my new room, I pulled some clothes out of the pile on my floor, and off we went.

We drove to the mall, and looked at really expensive but totally adorable boat shoes in Dillards. Then we ran into Amy and JJ, which was really exciting, so we spent some time with them. But they had to leave shortly afterwards because Amy is back in school. But we met up with Michelle's friend (but possibly more?) from camp, Colt, and got Chinese food and a Cinnabun in the food court. It was delicious. We then lurked around Barnes and Noble, and I saw several cookbooks that I wanted. So if any of you want to buy me a Christmas present... haha. But Michelle bought a Bible, and we left.

We made a very successful Target stop. I got a mirror for my room, a new cardigan, new tights, and Alison's birthday present. And some Mentos. Because Mentos are delicious. After that I went over to Michelle's house and we worked on Alison's card and then I went home.

And now, here I am, waiting to watch the new Degrassi.

Warning, Degrassi rant ahead. Non-Degrassi fans can go ahead and skip this next paragraph.

I have to say, although I will always watch Degrassi out of tradition and obligation (this series has been with me since middle school!), this series just isn't doing it for me. I think all the good storytelling and directing and intensity is put into the promos. They're starting to reuse plot lines... We've seen pregnancy/pregnancy scares/teen parenthood four times now (Manny and Emma and Mia and now Jenna) and Super Scary Internet Predators three times (Emma and Darcy and now Connor) and Fiona's abusive relationship plot has been done before (Terri, duh!). I guess the writers make sure to put unique spins on each storyline to make sure they're not all the same, and I know there's only so many teen issues you can use, but still... I feel like old Degrassi was much more inventive. I mean, remember JT's penis pump? Gah. Frustration. Maybe I'm just spoiled from watching so much Skins. Darn those Brits and their superior teen dramas. Anyway, I miss Marco, Ellie, Alex, Craig, and JT. And Bianca is totally NOT the new Alex, like everyone likes to say, even if they think they look similar, which they totally don't (just because they are both Hispanic females does not make them alike). Sure, they're both a bitchy and rebellious, but at least Alex had a brain. And Bianca is obviously a homophobe (or a transgenderphobe? I don't know the proper terminology here), and Alex was... a lesbian. Oh.

Anyway. I'm off for the night. Thanks for listening guys.

Weight: 114.2 (not as bad as I thought it would be, but we definitely have work to do)

WOW AM I SLACKING OR WHAT

But I have a valid explanation.

Monday morning, I was woken up at six in the morning, and treated to a six hour car ride all around Florida, basically, because my stepfather was looking into airboats for purchase. True story. This actually happens.

After that I was dropped off at my house, where I set up my new desk and new drawers and then fell asleep and stayed asleep for sixteen hours. This actually happens.

Then I woke up this morning, ate some apples and Ritz crackers, took my new pre-natals, which made me kind of sick, talked to my stepmom about how I'm going to have to start seeing a counselor for my SAD (social anxiety disorder, but I think the acronym is wonderfully appropriate), and dyed my hair with a wonderful box of Garnier Fructis's "Raspberry Truffle" which I bought partly because the woman on the box was gorgeous, and partly because the name sounded like something I wanted to eat. It turned out nicely, by the way. It's a deep, dark brown, almost black, with a reddish tint to it. It's also very shiny. I LOVE IT.

I also took down my bottom bookshelf which made space for the new bed frame I'm going to get. And then my dad and I cleared out my old desk, which was like built into my closet? There's still a big wooden shelf thing hanging in there that makes it impossible to hang clothes, but we're going to figure out how to take it out. SO YEAH. MORE ROOM PROGRESS. THIS IS SO FUN.

I also watched An Education and Mysterious Skin today. AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY THOUGHTS ON BOTH.

An Education was lovely. Lovely, lovely, lovely. It made me wish that I lived in that time period and place (1940's post-war England), with all the clothes and the haircuts and ACK. Carey Mulligan is gorgeous and I thought she did wonderfully. And I fell in love with Peter Sarsgaard, even though he is too old for me. Which means he played his part well- an exceptionally charming middle aged man who is capable of seducing a 17-year-old girl. GOOD JOB PETER. YOU SUCCEED. I fell in love with both of them. The story itself was timeless, and I thought it was executed beautifully.

As for Mysterious Skin... perhaps I am biased, as an eternal lover of Joseph Gordon-Levitt, but I thought it was great. It was tough to watch at times (the bathtub scene is right up there with "American History X"'s curbstomping, if it's not worse due to the longevity of it), but it definitely struck something deep and emotional. I loved the fact that there were two sides to it, how it showed the two boys dealing with it in opposite ways. And what I really, really loved was that Joseph's character Neil's homosexuality wasn't portrayed as a result of the abuse he suffered as a kid, it was shown as something that was just another factor in how he reacted to it.

ANYWAY GO WATCH BOTH. But only watch Mysterious Skin if you're feeling brave. It's not for the faint-hearted. And don't watch it with your parents.

Anyway, I also had a fun little TinyChat experience with some kids from Tumblr. It was grand.

BIG THANKS ALL AROUND TOOOO: Kaelin, Claire, Alycia, and Sabrina. You guys are the sweetest. Ever./

I caught the sun on my way home

Oh, hello there.

I'm writing this from my little sister's bed. It's 1:45 AM, and it's technically Monday, the day I'm supposed to be returning to my dad's house.

But today, Sunday, was a long, eventful, fun day.

I woke up at noon, got ready, and went with my mother and stepdad to my stepdad's parents house (I call them Nan-nan and Papaw. So when you you see those two names in this blog, that's who I'm referring to.) When we got there I got to see my cousin Ryan and my little brother Joshua for the first time in ages. Joshua had been staying with Nan-nan and Papaw the whole weekend I've been here, and my other two sisters, Emily and Danielle, have been visiting their biological dad. Just after that, me and my mom and Nan-nan went to Wal-Mart, and got a few things. I restocked on pre-natal vitamins, got some hair dye (but I'm going to get a second box tomorrow just in case one box isn't enough to cover all my hair) and some drawers for my room! (Also, my mother is giving me a desk that she doesn't want any more. So that knocks a couple things off my list.)

But the best part of it all was going back to Nan-nan's trailer, and sitting with my mom and her on the couch, and just talking for three hours about everything. It was mostly the two of them talking about their marriages and mistakes in relationships and such... Basically both of them married assholes. And the whole conversation made me lose my faith in relationships and marriages and the like that much more. I just don't want that for myself. And I know I'm young and "will probably change my mind" and stuff but... I can't shake the feeling that there's no such thing as together forever, real love. Someone is always going to be unhappy.

I also got to go to Denny's at eleven at night, which is why I'm writing this so late. I had two chocolate chip pancakes, scrambled eggs, and pie... Therefore, as soon as I get back home, I'm reinstating a healthy eating plan. I'm not going to go crazy (like I said, never going back to that) but I do plan on eating like 1,200 calories a day and eating less chocolate and junk food and exercising more than I have been. And I'll start keeping track of my weight again. I'm guessing I've gained about five pounds...? So that would make me 115. Which isn't terrible, obviously, but not ideal.

I'm so sleepy. I have to make the drive home tomorrow morning. I plan on sleeping the entire way though, so.

Love you guys.

Where the heart is

Howdyyy!

Thank you's to Claire, Alycia, Sabrina & Lisa! You guys are great, every day.

I am in love with being here. I don't even know what to write about this day, other than that I am very happy.

There's a ton of fun plans lined up for tomorrow, and I pinky promise I'll tell you about every single one of those, but I'm keeping today for myself.

Love you guys.

Home sweet home

Hiiiiii guys...

Okay. Don't hurt me.

I know I skipped two, three? days. I know I know I know and I'm sorry. I just wasn't feeling the blogging feeling. But that blogging feeling is back now so. All better!

I'm writing this from the couch of my mother's house right now. Exciting, right? Four hours away from my technical home.

I decided to make the trip on a complete whim, thanks to a case of wanderlust and an existentialist crisis. I came here to reorient myself, to remind myself of the size of the world and sort of get back in touch with my roots.

Those of you that have watched my videos or have heard me speak at any point in time know that I'm Southern. My accent is not as thick as it used to be, and I don't own a pair of cowboy boots any more but it's still there. People usually pick up on it when I say things like "fixing to" or "y'all" or "ain't", or when I refer to the remote control as the "clicker" or the toilet as "the pot". I have an iTunes full of indie and alternative rock music, but I know every single word to a great majority of the country songs released in the 1990's. It's what I was raised on. I was born in Florida, but after my parents divorced when I was two years old I moved to South Carolina with my mom, and that's where my earliest childhood memories come from. South Carolina, for those of you that didn't know, is also my favorite place in the world. My mom worked as a bartender until I was eleven or twelve years old, and I spent a good part of my childhood playing in a liquor store that was attached to this bar called "Cowboys" where she worked. Of course, at the time, I referred to it as "the candy store" because all the candy displays were at eye level with me, and the cashier, Miss Kim, would always give me Cookies & Creme Hershey bars while I sat behind the counter and played with my toys. There was also a back office/storage room in the hallway that connected Cowboys to the liquor store, where I would take naps. And during the daytime, before they opened, I would go inside the bar, and run around on the dance floor, play on the mechanical bull, or sit on top of one of the pool tables while watching my Disney tapes on the bar's big screen TV.

Okay. So maybe we weren't as much "Southern" as we were "white trash". But still. These are the things I remember. And even after that, we always stayed surrounded by these types of people. We moved to this tiny tiny tiny town in the middle of nowhere at the end of my eighth grade year, where cows outnumber people and the nearest Wal-Mart is forty five minutes away. And I stayed in this town until I moved out of my mom's house before junior year. And this place is about as redneck as it gets. I am not exaggerating. I can look out the window next to me right now, and, no lie, there's cow pasture, for as far as the eye can see. Of course, it's just past our super classy above ground pool and plastic target-practice deer.

My mom always knew I was the misfit. My other brothers and sisters love the hillbilly lifestyle. And of course, I do too- but in moderation. I can't live so far away from civilization all the time. But at times like this, I need to be. Suburbia is nice, but it can suffocate you. So I needed to get out, and come back.

This town may not be where I belong, but it's still where I'm from. And that's just as important.

My mom and stepdad, Richard (yes they're still together, he's in anger management classes and she's in victim's therapy so all is good I guess) showed up at my house to get me at noon today, in the tow truck (they own and operate a repo and towing business, and make really good money doing it), which was fun. While we were trying to leave my city, we got pulled over and Richard got a citation because his window tint was too dark.

We went and saw my step-brother Alex for a little while, he's my age and I love him to death. He was at this abandoned mansion with his grandpa and they were salvaging two old trucks that were wasting away there in the yard, so we were helping them. We poked around the house too, and you could tell it was really beautiful at one point in time. We went inside and up the stairs, and it was incredible. Stupid economy.

We ate lunch at McDonalds and ran a few more errands and things, and when we finally got to the house I was so exhausted that I had to take a nap. When I woke up, we went and got Chinese food and pie. And I got to spend time with my mom and we watched TV together and talked about everything and I'm really happy right now.

This is where I want to be.