Sunday, November 28, 2010

Emotionally drained.

Wow. The past two days have been nothing but ups and downs.

Last night I went to Amy's house and we had an accidental party. I got to see Amy, KTG$, Girl!Taylor, Tyler, Keith, Chris Crownover, and Andrew. It was really great, we watched Scott Pilgrim and cuddled and took lots of ridiculous pictures.

I also made Amy a hipster cake.

And Andrew had gone to Taco Bell to get a chalupa, but when he got it, it had lettuce and he hates lettuce so he gave it to me.

There's a much more flattering picture of me with the chalupa but it's way too pornographic for me to put up here so you can just use your imagination.

But yes, it was fun.

I spent the night at Girl!Taylor's house. This morning we got up early and went thrifting! We found this really cool vintage shop near where Amy lives, and we bought Amy's birthday present, which I think she'll love. I also bought myself a new pretty floral top, and an extremely awesome new tee shirt!

You can't really see because of my obnoxious hair/stupid thumbs/crappy Macbook iSight quality, but it says "NIAGARA FALLS CANADA", and has a picture of Niagara Falls. Badass, I know.

After we did our thrifting, we went to the dollar store to get presents and cake stuff for our friend Chase's birthday. We got him an airhorn, silly string, a balloon, and a Buzz Lightyear watch from the dollar store, and then we went to Goodwill and bought him a bunch of t-shirts that we thought were funny.

When we got back to Girl!Taylor's house we got ready and made him this really awesome, three layered, heart shaped cake. It was vanilla cake with chocolate chips, and each layer was a different color. The bottom layer was blue, the middle was yellow, and the top was orange. We put marshmallow fluff between the layers and covered it in purple frosting. Then the cake split in half. So we wrote "epic" on one side and "fail" on the other. It was great.

We actually had the "party" at Chelsea's house. It was a small thing with just me, Girl!Taylor, Posh Spice, Chase (the birthday boy), and Chelsea's parents and brother. It was the first time I'd been in her house since the accident, and the first time I'd seen her family since the memorial service.

Chelsea's parents made us homemade tacos (her dad is Mexican so it was completely legit), and while they were cooking we went in Chelsea's room. It was so bittersweet and strange.

Everything was exactly as she'd left it, except for her mom had washed and folded her dirty clothes, and there was an urn containing her ashes, engraved with her name, on the shelf above her bed.

We took our time, examining each part of the room. Every now and then, one of us would pick something up and we'd talk about the memories attached to that particular something, or we'd laugh about one of Chelsea's Hansen posters or her weird CD collection. We also said hello to her snake, Circa.

We all broke down at least once.

When dinner was ready we said "see you later" to Chels, and went to go eat. We laughed and talked and opened Chase's presents and ate our fail-cake.

Then Chase played a song that he had written for Chelsea on the guitar and we talked about how much we miss her.

I came home and cried and listened to all her songs on repeat.

Recently, Chelsea's demos were compiled into an EP that is available for free download through BandCamp. You can go listen/download here. I promise you, all the tracks are beautiful and she has an amazing voice. I know I linked to her music MySpace in a previous blog entry (when she was still alive), so some of you guys might recognize the song "With Ears to See and Eyes to Hear". Please, if you do go listen or download, leave a comment letting me know.

I just miss her so much.


  1. i'm listening to chelsea's music now and it's making me tear up. she has a lovely voice. i'm going to download the songs :)
    you're a strong person, bree.

  2. im listening to chelseas music currently, its so beautiful.

  3. I love your background. I haven't been on your physical blog in forever (I read it from google reader)
    I downloaded Chelsea's music when you put the link on tumblr. It is very beautiful!
    It's great that you can stay connected to her parents and have the closing of being in her room, and grieve with friends.
    Forever Alone,

    p.s. I left you a little present on the link that accompanies my name.

  4. you are such a wonderful and lovely person.

    I listened and downloaded her songs, she sounds really amazing, and I've had With Ears To See Eyes To Hear on repeat

    <3 chin up lovely

  5. I just downloaded Chelsea's EP. She had a beautiful and amazing voice. I'm so sorry for your loss..